ADHD in Women - Embracing Strengths beyond the Struggles

According to the bible of psychiatric diagnosis - the DSM-V, Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD) is a neurodevelopment disorder defined by impairing levels of hyperactivity, impulsivity, disorganisation and persistent inattention. There is a list of 18 criteria for ADHD, which mostly describes how it affects children aged 7 - 12. Therefore, ADHD has often been seen as a condition that affects young boys, who are hyperactive, restless and easily distracted. These children are the ones who are more likely to be diagnosed early and receive support. However, ADHD can manifest differently in teens, adults and particularly within women, and this difference may often go unnoticed, leading to years of overlooked struggles and incorrect or delayed diagnoses.

While hyperactivity and impulsivity might be the most noticeable signs of ADHD, for many adults and women their challenges with this condition may include less external symptoms such as inconsistent attention, feeling emotional highs and lows more intensely than others, struggling with executive dysfunction and feeling overly sensitive to rejection and failure or better known as rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD).

ADHD in Women - More than just distraction

Many women that may have ADHD fall through the cracks. This is partly because the research has historically focused on male experiences, leaving the female experience underexplored. Furthermore, societal stigma and expectations for women to be organised, meticulous, and multitask efficiently can contribute to feelings of guilt, shame, and even self-doubt when those expectations are not met. The emotional toll can be heavy. Many women don't want to admit their struggling and are often able to mask their difficulties, compensate and control their internalised struggle, for a time. Many women with ADHD experience emotional overwhelm, heightened stress responses and difficulty maintaining focus. Unfortunately, these emotional responses are often dismissed as "being too sensitive" or "overreacting," further invalidating their lived experience.

My personal experience

My own ADHD journey mirrors many of these experiences. I was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD at the age of 30, after years of struggling to maintain focus in school, work, and life, falling short in places I hoped to excel and suffering guilt, shame and anxiety because of that fact. Being diagnosed raised an assortment of emotions, whilst I felt extreme validation, I was also angry and upset for the years I struggled. Throughout my early education, I often received feedback like "capable and pleasant, but often loses concentration" or "has potential but easily distracted and overly talkative." These comments felt frustrating, as they didn't capture the complexity of what I was experiencing.

Okay, yes, I would become distracted by the smallest things - a noise, a movement - making it difficult to absorb the material in front of me. But when something truly sparked my interest, I could zone in on it to the exclusion of everything else, slipping into a hyper focused state for possibly hours. This experience of intense focus allows me to dive deeply into tasks that resonate with me and it assists me in picking up new skills of interest quickly and proficiently, this I see as a strength. According to Dr. William Dodson, people with ADHD have an interest-based nervous system, meaning they are often motivated by passion, interest, challenge, novelty, and urgency rather than deadlines, importance or priority.

Throughout my university years, I struggled with procrastination, and used urgency as a means of motivation, often cramming for exams or working late into the night to meet deadlines. I didn't know about the concept of "body doubling" at the time, but I benefited by the presence and support of my friends and family, without them, I'm not sure I would have completed my Masters degree. In fact, during my diagnosis journey, my psychologist asked me, "if you suspect you could have ADHD, then how did you manage to achieve a Masters degree?" I realised then that having the right supports in place can make a huge difference for those who live with ADHD. I had many people along my life journey who believed in me and helped keep me on track. Once I knew I had ADHD, I could start to think about how I could continue to support myself and ensure my needs were being met in a way to manage my ADHD symptoms.

A different lens - The Māori perspective on ADHD

What if we viewed ADHD through a different lens? It wasn't until recent years that I came across the Māori definition for ADHD, or Aroretini, meaning, attention goes to many things. This definition offers a perspective that shifts away from pathology and embraces a more strengths-based approach. In Māori culture, ADHD is seen not as a disorder, but as a way of being - where attention flows to many things at once, creating a dynamic, multi-faceted experience of the world.

This definition resonates with me because it celebrates the unique ways that ADHD individuals interact and engage with the world. Through this lens I was able to understand that the challenges of ADHD come with their own set of strengths, whether that's creativity, problem solving, or an ability to connect seemingly unrelated ideas.

The Power of Support and finding strength in ADHD

Looking back, I see that the support I received was crucial, having people around me who understood my struggles and pushed me to keep going, even when things felt impossible made such a difference in how I managed life.

It also wasn't just about me struggling to meet deadlines or completing assignments, what I didn't understand growing up is that I see the world differently to others, meaning I needed to find ways to work, live and be in this world that played to my own strengths.

The Māori perspective of ADHD, Aroretini, has given me a new way of looking at my experiences. it reminds me that the struggles I have faced - the distractions, the emotional overwhelm, the difficulty focusing - comes with strengths too. The ability to think outside the box, to stay deeply engaged with something I care about, and to juggle multiple ideas at once are all part of how I engage with the world. And, I'm constantly learning to embrace that, rather than fight against it.